How to Rebuild Yourself After a Bad Breakup




“It took a while for her to figure out she could run but when she did she was long gone, Long gone..”
― Keith Urban

Going through a bad breakup or divorce can be tough on anyone. It's like a death of a relationship because the bond you once shared with someone is now broken. So where do you go from here? How can you be beyond this experience and find your true authentic self? Although the relationship is gone it doesn't mean that your happiness is over, it's just subsided for awhile. In these hard times, it's good to remember the good times and forgive the bad ones. People grow apart and sometimes the whole dynamic of the relationship changes.

So now that you have grown out of this phase with this person, it's time for you to find out who your are. Sometimes those love bonds can be so strong that you feel you like you can't go on without this person, but you can. Love can be blind and sometimes the people we feel are good for us turn out to be the ones that hurt us the most. I was in a marriage for 8 years and it was one of the biggest challenges of my life. I wanted it to work it out but I soon realized that it just wasn't for me and sometimes you just have to get to that point in your life.

 So after the storm how can you rebuild? Rebuilding and finding yourself is so important to your healing process so you can move on. I believe that relationships rather good or bad help us to be the greatest versions of ourselves. Although this is hard to see while going through the pain, the other side of this is much brighter. The harder you fall the stronger you are when you get up. Someone once told me "You are stronger than you think you are" and at the time I didn't believe it. But this statement is true. You are beyond what you ever think you will be. You just have to get out of your own way and you can do this by changing your thought process. So here are a few tips to help you start the process of rebuilding yourself.

• Learn to really love yourself and know that you are worthy of love. Dedicate a love song to yourself and really mean it. Just imagine if you really loved yourself the way you wanted someone else to love you. This is a really powerful thing to do because you are changing the way you look at love and therefore you will attract that kind of love you desire into your life. It's definitely worked for me.

• Write positive notes about yourself and stick them somewhere where you can see them everyday. Now it's time to retrain your mind into some positive thinking.

• Get a progress journal and write in it everyday

• Have a great support system. Talk to people that know and love you the most.

• Get out of the house and try something new. There's nothing like starting over and doing new things. It helps to put a different perspective on things and also helps to forget/forgive the past life.

I know that this may be a very hard time in your life but you must believe that you can rise above it rule your world. Remember that this is only a tests and that this will make you greater than you ever imagined. If you need to grieve then grieve. Give yourself a little time out of each day to think about it and move on. Stay busy with something that you like to do and get plenty of rest. This is only a phase in your life and "This to shall pass." Try your best to stay positive and remember that you are beyond what you think you are.

How to govern your emotions

 

 "You can not control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you." ~ Brian Tracy

        As humans we have a beautiful spectrum of emotions that help us along our journey. They don’t make or break us but they can if you let them get the best of you. Emotions are not good or bad. They’re not a woman or a man thing. We all have emotions because we’re human. Emotions are energy in motion and they help us to decide right from wrong. In today’s world I’ve come to the conclusion that emotions are looked at as a bad thing and a woman thing but this is not true. Every since you were born you’ve had emotions. It was the only way you could communicate to the world at the time before you could talk. So why is it that some people are emotionally unstable? Why do some people go on a rampage and go crazy do to suppression?

      I believe this goes along with the saying ‘know thy self.” If you don’t know yourself then you can’t help yourself and if you can’t help yourself, you can’t help anybody else.  Sometimes as humans we don’t realize that we are suffering. We bottle our emotions up just to save face in front of the world but the core of who we really are suffers. Sometimes people won’t reveal vulnerability because of the fear of shame or rejection. We fear that if people really knew who we were they wouldn’t like us but why should we care. I understand that no one wants to be alone but walking around with a mask is not the solution.  For some of us it’s really challenging to pretend to be something that they are not. This can be labeled as being sensitive or caring too much about what others think.

       I myself am very sensitive but I’ve learned a lot about coping with my emotions and realized that I have the power to say no to any external emotions from other people.  We all have situations in our life that internally make us feel different ways and without knowing it sometimes we unwillingly project these feelings unto other people. It’s all a personal thing for each individual...This is why it is important not take things people say and do personally. Although this is easier said than done, we must take responsibility for how we react to things. Yes we’ve all been guilty of making someone feel disappointed or happy at some point and time in our lives. Rather it was intentional or not we can only be responsible for how we feel at the time that this occurs.

So how do you control your emotions?  How do you know when to say no to other people’s emotions? Here’s some of the ways I’ve learned to deal with my emotions.

·         Let your emotions pass through you without judgment. This means acceptance of how you feel.  Take a deep breath and recognize what you feel and why. Accept that it is what it is and move on.

 

·         Look for a solution to make you feel better. If you are angry or disappointed about something, you must learn to transform this energy into something else. One way to do this by moving around or into your body by stretching or hitting a punching bag, jump and jacks or by simply walking. By doing this you move that energy somewhere else and forget about it.

 

·         Exercise and a good diet help you to have a great mood and sharp mind to be ready for someone with low energy that tries to bring your day down.

 

·         Take full responsibility for how you are feeling. Don’t play the blame game or point the finger. Always look at what part you played and learn from it.

 

·         Learn to love yourself 100%. Accept that you are the way you are and don’t change for anybody but yourself. We all are striving to be greater versions of ourselves but first you must love and accept the flaws that you come with.

 

·         Don’t be too hard on yourself but speak to yourself with positive words of encouragement and love.

Always remember that life is all about perception. The way you perceive things is the way that it will be. There is no right or wrong way of viewing things just perception. When someone has an opinion, they're just telling you how they see it from their point of view. This goes with how they were raised, to their beliefs and values. So when it comes down to it, we must learn to respect each other’s views and feelings but most importantly respect and understand our own because that’s what truly matters.

How to live life with No Regrets

 Have you ever regretted giving up an opportunity that you knew you could have excelled in? Do you regret not having the ambition to create your own opportunities? What is it going to take for you to start living the life you've always dreamed of? Sometimes in life we are afraid to just really live and not think twice about it. We think too much and wonder why we never get anywhere. We're too into our egos to be vulnerable or to ask  anybody for help or advice. Remember the classroom? When the teacher would asks everybody if they had any questions and you did but you didn't want to look like you were the only one that didn't understand and then when the big math tests came up you were struggling? I'm sure in that moment you realized you should have been proactive and asked a billion questions but now it was too late.

I'm sure we've all felt this way at some point in time in our life's. As a matter of fact I have plenty of times. I was that kid who was afraid to ask questions in class. I couldn't even ask questions at home or I would get in trouble. This kind of suppression handicapped my ability to be vulnerable and asks for help for a long time. Many of have us have things and goals that we want to accomplish but we're afraid to step out of our shell and asks the right people for help. This leads to set backs, disappointment and regrets. What if you could asks the professional in your dream job how they did it, and what if that person opened your mind to a whole new way of seeing things? There in lies the key. You never know until you try. You can't be afraid of the unknown because when you're trying to be successful the unknown is all you got. There are no guarantees only your determined will to make your dreams a reality.

So first, you must not be afraid of failure. Sometimes you have to throw yourself out there even when you don't know quite what you're doing yet. I like what Brendon Burchard said "It's like riding a bike." At first you don't have the hang of it and the bike is swerving and you're everywhere. You fall off, scratch your knee and get back on it determined to get it down. That's how success in anything works. After falling off the bike you don't regret that you fell off because at that time you understand that you're new at this and the more you try the more you win.

Second remember that every little step counts. The more you fall the more you know about what not to do and what to do. This is the way we learn. Through trial and error. Sometimes some one can tell you something a million times but you won't grasp the concept until you experience it.

Third be ready to take risks and enjoy the adventure. The least that could happen is that you might or might not accomplish your target goal, but the great thing is that you know now. You have to experience life to it's fullest. That's what living is all about. Having fun and making the most out of every experience.

Don't forget to keep trying and that's how you live with no regrets. Knowing that you gave it 110% and kept going even when you failed. Trust me you'll thank yourself for it later and be glad you did it. Especially when you start getting the results you want.

 

3 Ways to analyze any Situation and find a Solution

 Life can be difficult and sometimes it may seem like there is no way out of certain situations. It's almost like you have to think of life's situations as a math equation. The beginning equations are quite simple while the ending are equations can be a little more difficult. As with any equation there are steps to making the solutions seem attainable and that's where the fun begins. I am a strong believer of finding a solution to anything. I was recently in a situation that made me so upset I just wanted to scream. Well I screamed and then I decided that there was no reason to keep stewing over it, so I started to brainstorm on how I could come up with a solution.

1) Pinpoint the problem. First I had determine why I was so upset and I realized that I was holding onto some past hurt that was keeping me from moving on in my present moment. Sometimes we go through things that really hurt us and this pain keeps us bound and stuck in the pasts. You must analyze this and recognize what's going on with you before you come up with a proper solution.

 2.)Write down 3 possible solutions that could really help you get through your problem. This could be a very effective exercise that can help you grow and conquer your problems. I had to write down the things that made me feel bad and why they made me feel that way. Then I had to come up with solutions to help me deal with this so I could move on. There's no road map to life, so we have to deal with life's obstacles and find ways to conquer them on our own. This helps us to grow, know more about ourselves and become stronger.

3.) Finally you should pick a solution and write out ways to make it work. Write down pros and cons and begin to work on the pros. Stay positive and believe that you can do it. It's ok if the solution you came up with doesn't work. Remember the saying "if at first you don't succeed get back up and try again." There's no such thing as failure only life lessons. Don't be hard on yourself but appreciate yourself for the fact that you have the will to keep trying.

Sometimes we can be so quick to point the finger when things don't go right in our life's. Being proactive and taking responsibility for your actions and your part you play in any life scenario can help you to grow and become a stronger individual. What are some ways you find solutions for situations that are challenging in your life? Comment below

 

9 Ways to make the pain of life Count

Going through life can be painful but yet and still we should live on making the best moments count. Sometimes those painful moments bring us to our knees and sometimes they make us stronger. I know this pain all too well and I believe that it has made me stronger than I could have ever imagined. I realized the things that hurt me the mosts were the things that brought me closer to my dreams. I've written my best songs and created my best articles when I was mentally in pain and I even surprised myself. While watching a docutmentary on Albert Einstein the other day, they said that he created some of his best work while he was going through some of the most troubling times in his life. So what does that mean? Why is that we can focus so much on the things we love when we are feeling so much pain and why is it a good thing to do? Better yet how can you do that?

     I believe it is the transference of energy. This means taking your focus whether it's negative or positive and turning it into some thing else. In dealing with pain we look at that as a negative thing, so throwing that negative energy into your work turns it into a positive. It's almost like that limitless power I was telling you about. Now I'm teaching you how to manipulate it and not let it maniputate you.

1.)First you must realize that you have the power to control your emotions. Even though you may not feel like you do. To do this you must take a deep breath and exhale slowly. While doing this remember that everything is one and that your emotions and feelings are here to guide you not hurt you. Yes this is easier said than done but with practice you will become better.  Your emotions are just emotions which means energy in motion. Don't judge them, just let them pass through

2.)Always remember that everything is about perception and how you perceive it. If you thinks it's bad then it's bad. If you think it's good then it's good. There is no right or wrong in this scenario, only your thoughts.

3.)Your thoughts have power so make them work in your favor to benefit you. You are the creator of you thoughts. Try to focus on something that makes you happy or something you enjoy doing. You never know how good you'll get at when you put all your focus into it.

4.) When feeling anxious or upset do something constructive  or dive into a hobby that you like doing. This is the best knowledge I ever realized and I it actually works. I've created so many pieces of art with this energy and it's amazing. Try it and see.

5.) Bring yourself to the present moment and  focus on something you love. Sometimes you have to take your mind to another place of peace. This has helped me many of times and it's a great way to focus on what's important. Sometimes I like to think of something funny to make myself to laugh and laughing is a really good exercise to bring you out of that mood.

 6.)Allow yourself to experience the pain and understand it. Don't ever suppress what you feel but try to understand where the pain stems from. It could be from past hurt and you must bring that to light in order to move on and grow.

7.) Move into your body and stretch or move around. I like to turn on some music and dance and this helps me to learn some new dance moves and forget about the things that aren't important.

8) Start a journal and write how you feel. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone but your journal is a safe haven for all your secrets. You can be as loud and crazy as you want without judgment.

9) Research something that interests you and take notes on it. You never know what you'll discover until you dive deep into something new. Take risks and learn something new. You might find a new passion.

What are some things you like to do when you're feeling down? How do you counteract this energy?
Comment below!

      I Am Beyond Measure

Are you beyond measure? What is being beyond measure about anyway?  It's about living your life to the fullest with no regrets and no breaks. It's about having dreams and making them a reality. This is your movie and you are the star. What if you could start Living your life the exact way that you imaged it could be. Why does that life that you dream of have to be in your imagination?

 What if I told you that you are beyond measure meaning that you are limitless beyond what you think you are. You are boundless beyond what everyone thinks of you. If you feel this way then...Oh yeah you've come to the right place! Sometimes we know we have this power inside of us and we just don't know how to get it out. We tell our family and friends but they just don't understand us and shoot our hopes and dreams down before we can even finish telling them about our vision. If this sounds like your life then it's time to makes some changes. It's time to be free and fly higher than you ever have before and if you've never flown I'm here to help you get your wings.

I understand this more than anything... to be scared to fly. To be scared to just live. To actually have the option to wake up every morning and do exactly what I want to do and how I want to do it.  To look out the window and just hope that one day things would just change, not realizing that I had to be that change. I always knew I was destined for something great. Every since I was a kid I believed that one day I was going to do something amazing and have this great life. That fire never burnt out and is still there but for awhile it got very dim. I started working and things started to become so routine. I started to feel horrible going  to work because I always knew that I had so much more to offer the world. My life has been a  journey to say the least and I have had my ups and downs but I discovered that I can do anything I want. I realized that I have the potential to fly and the funny thing is that I've always had it. I just  had to get out of my own way and most of the time that's what it is. It's our believes and how we feel about ourselves that hold us back. It doesn't matter if the world believes in you or not, it's if you believe in you or not.

So today and everyday I want you to start believing that you are worthy and that you are here for a special purpose and a reason. If you don't know that reason yet, get a piece of paper out and write 5 things you are really good at. Now look at that paper and think about all the people who aren't good at what comes easy to you. There's your reason for you being here. Rather you think it's big or small... YOU HAVE A PURPOSE. We are all here to help each other and you can always add value to someone's life because you are and forever will be beyond measure. Believe it, speak it and know it and if you know show it. No more sitting on your hopes and dreams. It's time to live it and fly with no regrets and I'm here to give you light and help you find your way.